To Encourage You

Philemon 8-14 “Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you . . . I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord.”

Many years ago, my father gave me a bit of advice that I never forgot and which I have tried to put into practice in life.  This advice was that although you may be in a position of authority (e.g., as a boss at work), it is always better to ask someone to do something rather than to tell them to do it.  In other words, to make an appeal is better than to give a command, regardless of the fact that you have the authority to make such commands.  With this advice, I believe my dad was sharing with me one way in which we should do to others as we’d have them do to us, for to be asked is better than to be told. 

It was this piece of advice that came to my mind this morning as I read the passage above from Philemon. Here, Paul, who had been given the position of authority as an apostle by Jesus Himself, makes an appeal to Philemon to do something that he could have rightfully commanded him to do.  It was an appeal that he forgive Onesimus for the wrong Onesimus had done to him.  Paul knew that we are to forgive others for whatever relatively small way in which they have wronged us in light of the enormous forgiveness God has offered us for the monstrous ways in which we’ve wronged Him.  Paul knew this firsthand, for he was well aware of the fact that he had been one who had persecuted Christians to the death. And yet God had forgiven Him for it. More than that, He had called Paul to an incredible position of authority in the church in spite of it. 

That’s always the way it is as we encourage and teach others the things we have learned in our Christian walk. We should always demonstrate patience with others rather than impatience, for God has shown incredible patience to us.  As Paul tells us above, it is with such simple acts that we can show a loving, rather than an unloving, attitude. 

Paul gave similar advice to Timothy regarding his role as a pastor when he said, “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will” (2 Timothy 2:24-26).  It’s an attitude of gentleness towards others, even towards those with whom we disagree strongly. It’s a disposition to “ask” rather than “tell” regardless of the fact that we may have the authority to do so. 

But how often do we see such attitudes? How often, whether it be in the work place or elsewhere, do we rather see an impatient, domineering, and threatening attitude from those in authority? But it’s that attitude that grieves the Lord.  May God give us the gentleness and patience that is the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our interactions with one another, and in particular with those whom God has sovereignly placed under our authority or mentorship. May the Lord keep before us that we are to treat others as we would want to be treated, “knowing that He who is both their Master and (ours) is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with Him” (Ephesians 6:9).