To Encourage You

Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

One of the confirmations that the Bible is God’s Word is the economy of words that it uses to say the things it does.  An example is seen in the verse above.  Here, in Chapter 3 of Colossians, Paul gives some commands regarding relationships within a family. He gives commands to wives, husbands, fathers, and children. Each of these commands is succinct, to the point, and, it could be argued, likely gets to the heart of the biggest obstacles each member of a family faces in his or her relationships with all the others. 

There is only one sentence written specifically to husbands in the entire book of Colossians.  But that one sentence contains perhaps the best advice husbands could ever receive about interacting with their wives.  Perhaps, if this one sentence was adhered to by husbands, the amount of marital strife, up to and including divorce, would decline by drastic measures.  As a husband, it occurs to me that if I would just keep this one sentence front and center in my mind in my interactions with my wife, there would be harmony and blessing in our home the vast majority of the time. 

So, what’s God’s command to me through Paul?  First, there is the positive command; it’s something I am supposed to do, and this is to “LOVE my wife.”  That means love in the agapao sense of the term, which is the Greek word that was used to originally write this verse.  “Agapao” is the type of love that God has for us.  It involves self-sacrifice, and it involves service. It is the opposite of selfishness. It means that in my marriage relationship I am not to just do my own thing without regard to the wishes and concerns of my wife.  I am not to act apart from her, but in concert with her. More than that, I am to consider her needs above my own in our relationship.  As it says in Ephesians, husbands are to love their wives “as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).  It is this type of love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13.  Here love is not so much described in terms of a definition, but as a description of what it looks like when it is actually practiced.  Love is patient. Love is kind.  It is not self-seeking. It is not rude.  It keeps no record of wrongs.  So . . . if I can put my name in for “love” in these statements, in particular with respect to my relationship with my wife, then I am loving her.  Love isn’t a sentiment or emotion, in this sense. Rather, it is an attitude and a behavior that reflects that I am putting my wife above myself.  Just a few words: “husbands, love your wives.”  Yet such a depth of meaning and responsibility is conveyed by them.

And then these words “don’t be harsh with them.” It’s a command of what NOT to do.  If I could just remember this one sentence every morning as I start my day, what a difference it would make.  It would help me think before I speak, for I am so prone to do just the opposite.  Harshness in a response is just the opposite of patience, which is a mark of love.  Harshness is also the opposite of kindness – which also marks love. In fact, harshness sums up pretty well the opposite of most of the marks of the 1 Corinthians 13 description of love.  And, unfortunately, it sums up pretty well the way I react to my wife far too often. 

The words of God – every one of them – are important, and every one should be meditated on, prayed over, and held up as a divine goal before our eyes.  And that is especially true when we are addressed very personally with words such as “husbands,” for there’s no question as to who is being spoken to and who is meant to hear these words when they were given. 

May God help me – and help all husbands, for that matter, to love their wives and not be harsh with them. That’s what God expected of us from the day He gave us His very daughters to have, to hold, and to cherish for the rest of our lives.